One cannot claim complete integration into a new culture until one has learned the rules of dating in that culture. Apparently I cannot claim complete integration. I’m still learning. Specifically, I’m learning the art of declining respectfully, which here in Israel really means declining unequivocally. In other words, no beating around the bush! Having consulted with various Israeli girlfriends after various Israeli dates, I have learned that a North American style "no" just won't fly here. Saying no, Israeli-style, does not mean failing to return a phone call, vaguely suggesting "some other time," or claiming to be busy washing hair/walking dog/watering plants. It's just. plain. no.Last week I went on a blind date. I assume the setter-upper’s thought process went something like this: he’s single, she’s single, he’s nice, she’s nice, ergo, match made in heaven! He was indeed nice. But not for me. The next day he called and asked for another date. Thinking I had conquered my Canadian politeness, I knew exactly what to say: "It was nice meeting you, but I don’t think we suit each other," I said bluntly. What I should have said was "No thank you" (no need to cast off the Canadian politeness altogether, right?).
His response was unexpected: "Okay," he began, as though he had understood, "But I had fun! So we can try again. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at eight." "Uh, er…" I stuttered, confused by his confidence, "…I…uh…can’t…tomorrow." "You know what they say," he shot back cheerfully, "If not tomorrow then the next night!" When Anat called me the next day (by the way, you can expect many cameos from Anat in future posts because she admitted that she only really reads my blog when she makes an appearance!), I said, "I told him it wasn't going to work... (she seemed encouraged by my newfound courage)…and, um, we’re going to dinner and a movie on Tuesday." She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure I could hear her head shaking.Okay, so blind dates rarely work out. It’s a known fact. Maybe I should try the internet? I decided to bite the bullet a few weeks ago and put up a profile on J-Date. When I mentioned this to an American friend, she almost bust a gut laughing. Not because I had put up a profile, but because of the fact that Israel even has J-Date. "Couldn’t they leave off the ‘J’?" She exclaimed. Turns out that’s not the case….
Having grown delinquent about checking my mailbox, I decided to log in a few days ago. Message waiting. From…wait for it…ahmed345. Um, Ahmed? The message read as follows (and I promise, this is a word-for-word translation):
"Hi! I liked your profile. I think you are really pretty and I like what you wrote. You may be interested in my profile, which is a bit unusual and challenging… You mentioned that your political views are leftwing, and that’s a good start for me....."
(I am growing increasingly confused as I read. The letter continues...)
"I am a cute, intelligent (totally secular) Arab Bedouin man, masculine, tall, dark, built and athletic. Extremely good looking…definitely worth a try ;) So what do you think? I hope you say yes."
Who knew finding a Jewish partner on a Jewish dating site in a Jewish country would be difficult! When I told Anat, she didn’t laugh. "Get it?!" I said, "Turns out J-Date isn't so 'J' after all!" Silence. "Wait," she said hesitantly, "what’s the ‘J’ for?" When I told her the answer, her eyes widened: "NO WAY!!!"
